CreationScience.net

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of the shopkeeper, the young blonde declared, ‘Well, then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own Alligator and get a pair of Alligator shoes for free!!!’

The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, ‘Well, little lady, why don’t you do just that?’

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an Alligator and make her own shoes.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water of the swamp, shotgun in hand. 

As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot Gator swimming rapidly toward her.  With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the Gator and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead Gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and finally managing to flip the Gator onto its back. Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration…..

                                                                                    “Oh, No! THIS ONE’S BAREFOOT, TOO!!!”

When I was in Alaska last I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it actually turned out to be an “optical Aleutian.”          (Keep on eye on this one, it’ll go far)

Little Billy asked the ticket vendor if he could buy a ticket to the Moon. The ticket vendor’s response: “I’m sorry son, but the Moon is full.”      

(A little thought about this one will produce a beam of light that will show the humor of it.)

Perhaps you caught the news about the Cold Eskimos. It seems two Eskimos were out fishing in a kayak when one said to the other, “I don’t think I can do any more of this, I’m freezing!” His buddy replied, “So am I, but I have an idea. Why don’t we build us a fire?” His buddy’s response, “You mean build a fire right here in the kayak?” “Yes, right here in the kayak.” “That’s a great idea!” 

Well, they built the fire, it burned a hole in the kayak, the kayak sank, and they both drown. This just goes to show you, “You can’t have your kayak and heat it too!”          (Come on, you KNOW you like it!)

So, you think you know something about baseball. The question: Why does it take longer to get from second base to third base, than from first base to second base?

If you said, “Because there’s a short stop between second and third.”  You’re right!!!  

                                                                                                                (But was that your answer?)

O.K., you’re watching a basketball game, there are 63 seconds left in the fourth quarter, the home team is loosing 82 to 80, and the coach of the home team sends in the second string, why?

To tie up the game of course!          

         (second string — string —– tie up ——get it!?  : )  Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?

You perhaps have heard of the fella that sent ten puns to a friend that didn’t like puns, in the hopeful expectation that at least one would make him laugh.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.  

(Be sure to say this rather quickly. If it still didn’t work for you, YOU’RE the friend!) 

Perhaps you’ve heard of the ink spots that were crying and wailing and nashing their pigment. 

It seems they found out their father was in the Pen.    

(If you like this one it’s from me. If you don’t like this one, it’s from Charlie at my church who told me this one this morning.)

If you haven’t thought of it yet:  Atheism is a non-prophet organization!

You know you’re getting old when you purchase a compass for the dashboard of your car.    : )