Dec 02
So, just exactly where do vampires go to take baths?
The bat-room of course! (Now aren’t you ashamed you didn’t know this!)
Dec 09
Nothing looks much sharper and official that a well-dressed police officer, but unfortunately there are those police officers that do not look sharp; they’re called “plain-clothesmen”. (I wanted to cop out on this one, but I didn’t think it was THAT bad)
Dec 13
So, just exactly what DO you call a Bumble Bee with a speech impediment?
Why a Mumble Bee of course! (I know you’d just love to tell me to buzz off)
Dec 16
Dr. to patient: “Miss Jones, you have acute appendicitis.” Response: “Well doctor, I think you’re kind of cute too!”
(I feel like a real cut-up sharing this one)
Dec 17
I received this from Sam & Jean. Sam is the President of the Tri-City Table Tennis Club of Arizona, of which I’m a member. Jean is a super organizer, which is great for our club activities. Here it is, although it’s a little foul:
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors
and lawyers and prospered.
Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together.
They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who
lived far away in another city.
The first said, ‘I had a big house built for Mama.’
The second said, ‘I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in
the house.’
The third said, ‘I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to
her.’
The fourth said, ‘You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you
know she can’t read anymore because she can’t see very well. I met this
preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took
twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a
year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name
the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it.’
The other brothers were impressed.
After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes.
She wrote: ‘ Milton , the house you built is so huge I live in only
one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.’
‘Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries
delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.’
‘Michael, you gave me and expensive theater with Dolby sound, it
could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I’ve lost my hearing
and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just
the same.’
‘Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give
a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you.’
Luv ya,
Mama
Jan 01
So, just what DO you call Santa’s little helpers?
Why Subordinate Clauses, of course!! : )
Jan 17
What does one get when they cross a Cocker Spaniel, a Poodle, and a Rooster?
A Cockerpoodledoo!
Jan 17
I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger ———- then it hit me!
Jan 24
When is it REALLY bad luck to have a black cat cross your path?
When you’re a mouse!
Jan 24
Perhaps you’ve heard about little Billy. Billy swallowed some coins and was quickly taken to the emergency room of the hospital. Needless to say, Billy’s mother was very concerned and grabbed a nurse by the arm and demanded to know how Billy was doing. The nurses’ response, “No change yet.”
(I realize some of you might think this isn’t worth a plug (plugged?) nickel, but I like it.)