May 26
- I started out with nothing … I still have most of it.
- When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?
- I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
- Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.
- All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
- If all is not lost, where is it?
- It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
- The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
- I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.
- It was all so different before everything changed.
- Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
- Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
- I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few …
- It’s not the pace of life that concerns me, it’s the sudden stop at the end.
- It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
- The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.
- If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
- When you’re finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
- Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
- It’s not hard to meet expenses … they’re everywhere