The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and
turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted,
‘My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,’ he announced
triumphantly, ‘and she turned into a telephone pole!’ : )
The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father
always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.
One day, she asked him why.
‘Well, Honey,’ he began, proud that his daughter was so
observant of his messages. ‘I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good
sermon.’
‘How come He doesn’t answer it?’ she asked. : )
Perhaps a little on the Punny side:
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
The batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
When you’ve seen one shopping Center you’ve seen a mall.
Police were called to a day care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
And the cream of the wretched crop:
Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift…The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied, “Well, you
still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s how the fight
started…..
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping
channels.
She asked, “What’s on TV?”
I said, “Dust.”
And then the fight
started…
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that
goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.”
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight
started……
Thanks to people with curious minds, we have the things below to ponder.
1. Hawaii has three Interstate Highways–how does that work?
2. What is another word for thesaurus?
3. What is another word for synonym?
4. Why isn’t phonetic spelled that way?
5. Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?
6. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
7a. If a mime is arrested, do the cops have to tell him that he has the right to remain silent?
7b. Does the Miranda warning apply to mimes?
Eighteen ways to lighten up daily life:
1 * Accept the fact that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue!
2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
4 * Drive carefully…It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker..
5 * If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague
6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it..
7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
8 * Never buy a car you can’t push.
9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.
10 * Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
11 * Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.
13 * When every thing’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
15 * You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.